THAT IS ALL

"Google announces big change to how search results are delivered, says new search tool will think..."

Wed, 16 May 2012 14:21:26 -0400

““Google announces big change to how search results are delivered, says new search tool will think more like a human.” —CNN email I just got.”

- So, ONLY pornography, then?

TOPICAL HUMOR EVERYONE! I LITERALLY JUST GOT THIS EMAIL!

HERE IS EVIDENCE from Judge John Hodgman Verdict No....

Wed, 16 May 2012 14:16:00 -0400

HERE IS EVIDENCE from Judge John Hodgman Verdict No. 59.

“Gail brings this case against her sister Aimee. Gail believes she and her nephew Ray are similarly sensitive kindred spirits. As a loving aunt, she thinks she should be able to comfort Ray when he’s upset, even over rule-breaking, and help him handle his feelings. Her sister Aimee believes Gail is unnecessarily coddling Ray and encouraging him to become an overly emotional child. Who is right? Only Judge John Hodgman can decide!”

Listen, download, or subscribe to it HERE.

This was a really difficult one. In many ways this was another Rashomom: so much about parenting (and aunting) relies on delicate context that—surprisingly—is hard to capture on a 30 minute half-comedy podcast.

It’s also the only time when I knowingly overstepped my bounds. Offering instruction to a mom and aunt about how to raise a child is monstrously beyond my mandate. And yet, as I felt compelled to speak, the only thing I could think of to make it better was to say then—and now—this:

All opinions are my own, offered for you to use if useful, and discard as the trash that they are if not. At end of day they carry no more weight than the podcast ether that carries them.

In any case, I am very grateful to both Aimee and Gail for bringing this delicate dispute to the court of a stranger on the internet. They are both brave and of good humor!

AND LOOK AT THAT CUTE BABY!

That is all.

A new Judge John Hodgman Verdict—“Spare the Hodg,...

Wed, 16 May 2012 10:52:59 -0400

A new Judge John Hodgman Verdict—“Spare the Hodg, Spoil The Child”—in which I unforgivably tell a mother how to raise her own child.

That is all.

“Pick up on the latest funky stick-ons.” This was...

Wed, 16 May 2012 10:07:49 -0400

“Pick up on the latest funky stick-ons.”

This was from back when my TARDIS was a VW bug and I was wearing Nehru jackets.

That is all.

Image courtesy @tmbg.

Via @RocketPunch1221 this morning on Twitter, the strangest use...

Wed, 16 May 2012 09:45:00 -0400

Via @RocketPunch1221 this morning on Twitter, the strangest use of my name and likeness I have ever encountered.

(Start watching at 3:01, and please forgive the buzz marketing for BMW and lack of mustache.)

Thank you to Micah Muzio, who apparently wrote this car review.

But honestly, I think you would have confused fewer people if you had said the this car was as stable as Ted McGinley on thorazine.

That is all.

"I hope you have fully recovered from your illness, and don’t let anything else happen to you...."

Tue, 15 May 2012 14:36:24 -0400

““I hope you have fully recovered from your illness, and don’t let anything else happen to you. In October, remember you and I will get drunk together.” —Groucho Marx to TS Eliot”

- There is little more restorative on a hanged-over, rained-out day than reading the weird literary mash notes Groucho Marx and TS Eiliot wrote to each other as they spent two years planning, and failing, to have dinner together.

(Oh god. Now I’m truly turning into Cavett)

If you doubt my existence, I will be making THREE PHYSICAL...

Mon, 14 May 2012 17:05:05 -0400

If you doubt my existence, I will be making THREE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS in the coming days.

MANIFESTATION ONE shall be this very Friday, May 19, as COULTON and I join to toast our friend, the genius named DAVID REES, Artisanal Pencil Sharpener, at the conclusion of his HOW TO SHARPEN PENCILS book tour.

This will happen at Public Assembly, and tickets are HERE. ALL TICKETS INCLUDE A BOOK!

MANIFESTATION TWO shall be on Tuesday, May 22, where I shall speak to my friend, the genius named ELIZABETH GILBERT about how to cook eels and calves’ brains, as per a wonderful REDISCOVERED COOKBOOK by her great grandmother.

This will happen at the New York Public Library, and tickets are HERE.

MANIFESTATION THREE shall be on Thursday May 24, where I shall help to celebrate the publication of TASTEFUL NUDES, a new, self-explanatory book by my friend, the genius named DAVE HILL.

This will happen at the Bell House, and tickets are HERE.

YOU MAY ASK, are these geniuses REALLY your friends?!

And I will respond: WHY ARE YOU SO SUSPICIOUS OF MY POPULARITY? AND MY EXISTENCE?

Which is just the sort of non-answer answer that will keep you all guessing…

UNTIL YOU ALL SEE ME AND MY FRIENDS WITH YOUR LYING EYES.

That is all.

merlin: Example Portraiture (Tanforan Mall) Hm....

Sun, 13 May 2012 13:25:24 -0400

merlin:

Example Portraiture (Tanforan Mall)

Hm. Hm.

Hm.

Happy Mother’s Day

neil-gaiman: Happy Other Mother’s Day

Sun, 13 May 2012 13:24:56 -0400

neil-gaiman:

Happy Other Mother’s Day

I WAS OFF GRIDDING most of yesterday, working on a secret...

Fri, 11 May 2012 09:23:41 -0400

I WAS OFF GRIDDING most of yesterday, working on a secret project with COULTON,

SO I DID NOT PROPERLY tweet and tumbl my excitement about COMMUNITY, and especially its renewal for a new season, and double-specially its guest star:

CRAIG CACKOWSKI

WHOM YOU KNOW AS “OFFICER” Cackowski and also as Colonel Tick-Tock (an alternate universe Inspector Space Time) from the THRILLING ADVENTURE HOUR.

Seriously, if you are not attending or listening to THRILLING yet, how will you know what I am talking about when they FINALLY come to New York?

That is all.

Per THIS. (You can actually see the little business card...

Wed, 09 May 2012 10:33:24 -0400

Per THIS.

(You can actually see the little business card holder where these were placed on the desk behind me and Gillian.)

I shall see you on the COMMUNITY television series at 8PM TOMORROW NIGHT.

That is all.

Via the Rosenbach Museum, where you should go, in Philadelphia.

Tue, 08 May 2012 12:56:39 -0400

Via the Rosenbach Museum, where you should go, in Philadelphia.

Goodbye, Maurice, id of children, uncompromisingly beautiful,...

Tue, 08 May 2012 11:55:03 -0400

Goodbye, Maurice, id of children, uncompromisingly beautiful, strange, mean, sweet, deep, dark, and true.

Via “N222011,” this is from “Tell Them Anything You Want,” a beautiful film by Lance Bangs and Spike Jonze.

(Double-heart-rendingly, it was and is distributed by Adam Yauch’s company Oscilloscope.)

That is all.

jujukitten: RIP Maurice Sendak (June 10, 1928 – May 8, 2012).

Tue, 08 May 2012 11:36:56 -0400

jujukitten:

RIP Maurice Sendak (June 10, 1928 – May 8, 2012).

DC Pierson: Something That's Been Working For Me Recently

Mon, 07 May 2012 19:51:30 -0400

DC Pierson: Something That's Been Working For Me Recently:

dcpierson:

Something in the future (a show or an audition or a meeting or a dreaded cup of coffee or scary doctor’s appointment) is causing me some amount of anxiety.

I think: THIS THING (whatever it is) IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

AND THEN IT WILL BE OVER.

I try not to focus on the outcome of the thing. The…

Completely this.

"And a special appearance by John Hodgman" is the most ridiculous anti-climax in the most ASTONISHING credit sequence EVER on a podcast. EVERY HUMAN, LOOK: "The Thrilling Adventure Hour" is a national treasure, and this MUSICAL EPISODE is really special, really funny, really full of ACTUAL HOLLYWOOD STARS (including Nathan, Busy, and mother-friending JK SIMMONS, with a special appearance by some dumb personal computer) and it is REALLY FREE. So stop procrastinating and download/subscribe by clicking this incredibly long link!

Mon, 07 May 2012 14:53:00 -0400

"And a special appearance by John Hodgman" is the most ridiculous anti-climax in the most ASTONISHING credit sequence EVER on a podcast. EVERY HUMAN, LOOK: "The Thrilling Adventure Hour" is a national treasure, and this MUSICAL EPISODE is really special, really funny, really full of ACTUAL HOLLYWOOD STARS (including Nathan, Busy, and mother-friending JK SIMMONS, with a special appearance by some dumb personal computer) and it is REALLY FREE. So stop procrastinating and download/subscribe by clicking this incredibly long link!

paulftompkins: Good morning! Here now is the first episode of...

Mon, 07 May 2012 13:35:03 -0400

paulftompkins:

Good morning! Here now is the first episode of Speakeasy, with my guest Ty Burrell.

Ty is as nice and friendly as he is funny. That is to say, he is very nice and friendly and also very funny. I was not trying to be slippery and intimate that Ty Burrell runs a dogfighting ring. He doesn’t! But if he did, I bet it’d be a really nice one, with passed hors d’oeuvres at each fight!

I would not blame you if you subscribed to this channel.

Ruben Bolling asks you to support TOM THE DANCING BUG by joining...

Mon, 07 May 2012 12:33:00 -0400

Ruben Bolling asks you to support TOM THE DANCING BUG by joining the Inner Hive for 20 bucks a year.

A YEAR.

READ HIS POST to understand.

My only argument with Ruben B. here is his apologetic tone for asking you to pay money for early access to his very good comics—that is to say, something that YOU LIKE AND WANT.

DO NOT APOLOGIZE, RUBEN, because:

While the internet DOES make it harder for talented cartoonists* to support themselves via licensing their work to traditional media distributors…

IT MAKES IT EASIER for YOU to buy work directly from the creator, and what’s more, to ENJOY the fact that almost all of the money you give them goes directly TO THE THING YOU LIKE.

WHICH IS TO SAY: If you like a thing, supporting it financially is not an obligation. IT IS A PRIVILEGE.

For the first time in culture, we may all become patrons of the arts that we love, at a comparatively low cost to us, and at a comparatively INCREDIBLY HIGH BOON to the creator.

This new relationship is worth celebrating, and not apologizing for. It not only helps you get the thing you like into your own hands, it helps the thing you like to CONTINUE, and it ensures that your taste is reflected and relevant in the culture at large.

SO DIG DEEP, FANS OF GOOD THINGS, especially those you can pay for directly. You have nothing to lose but mediocrity.

That is all.

* (and writers, singers, comedians, filmmakers, magicians, etc.)

I mentioned this tumbl-essay on twitter last night, but I think...

Mon, 07 May 2012 11:46:57 -0400

I mentioned this tumbl-essay on twitter last night, but I think it’s worth reposting in a more semi-permanent form.

As much as I love tumblr, it’s sometimes hard to track down who wrote the words, who provided the re-tumbl, and who made the animated gif (the three parts to any successful tumbl).

So as best I can tell, credit goes to theumbrellaseller for adding words to hemsworthss’s moving images, and that it came to my attention via ashleeta.

But I concur with all of them: the comparative $1 worth of good writing and acting in the talkin’ quadrants of the gif make the $100,000 and <30 seconds of CGI in the action quadrant actually meaningful, and suddenly NOT a total waste of time and money.

theumbrellaseller:

hemsworthss:

science bros.

There are no words to describe my feelings about this relationship. But I’m going to try.

First of all, their parallels. Both geniuses, top of their field. Both suffered an accident that physically changed them, forever, and not in a wholesome Spider-Man kind of way. Both try to do what they can to help others despite their own issues; Banner heals people, Tony works on developing clean energy. And both struggle, in their own way, with duality; Tony and Iron Man, Bruce and the Hulk. Two identities, one body. Only difference is Iron Man’s bad side is Tony.

I mentioned somewhere that Tony sees a bit of himself in Banner because they both have a monster inside them that they can’t control, a creature that springs fully formed from the id, the base impulses and the nasty stuff at the back of the mind. Bruce’s is a giant green rage monster. Tony’s trashed a party in Iron Man 2. Banner has a control over his that Tony hasn’t quite achieved yet; don’t think I didn’t notice Tony pouring himself a whiskey when confronting Loki. Tony is envious, fascinated, and most of all, impressed by Bruce’s control.

So he doesn’t walk on eggshells around Bruce like the others, because that’s not what Bruce needs. Tony sees Bruce’s restraint, sees the quiet, brilliant man making self-deprecating jokes in the corner of the room, sees the way people look at him like he’s going to snap any second, and thinks “nope”. Tony does what no-one else aboard that Helicarrier does. He trusts him. He makes jokes and jabs him and teases him and above all, treats him exactly how he would treat anyone else— he has a great regard for Bruce’s brilliance, and tells him so, but he doesn’t try to ignore the Hulk in the room. When he says “wow, you’ve really got a handle on this, haven’t you?” he’s not saying “gosh, it’s incredible you haven’t snapped yet and killed everyone on board” he’s saying “I know you have a handle on this, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t, so I’m gonna poke you with this sharp object to prove it”. And you can see Bruce relax, and smile, and trust him back.

But then Tony goes even further, and invites Bruce to come to his R&D department. I’m pretty sure the two of them drive off together in Tony’s car at the end of the movie to do just that. And, okay, sure, Bruce is smart, but Tony’s tech is his baby. How many people get invitations to come and see his work? He invites Bruce because he recognises his brilliance, yes, but there’s another reason. He’s inviting Bruce to come down and work with him after this is over. He’s giving Bruce something to do next, a purpose, an alternative to disappearing into the ether to be alone with his monster. Tony knows from experience that being alone with your issues doesn’t end well, so for what’s only the third time in his life he extends the hand of friendship to a guy he’s known barely an hour.

And then, he tells Bruce to let the beast loose. Not just because they need him to fight, but because it will help him. If Bruce can take this thing that he sees as a curse and turn it into a gift, well, that’s going to lift him out of a very dark place. I’m not saying Tony knew about Bruce’s attempted suicide, but I think he had a suspicion that Bruce had been, in his words, “low”. So he encourages Bruce to take all that crap and pain and the Other Guy and use him to help people; after all, that’s what he did.

And it pays off. Nobody— nobody— thinks Bruce is going to turn up for that final battle. You can see the look on Natasha and Steve’s faces when Tony asks if Bruce turned up yet. They’ve counted Bruce out. Guy’s a mess, right? He’s too volatile. Doesn’t play well with others. He could never work as part of a team. No-one thinks he’ll come through when it matters. Except Tony. He has faith in him, and that faith is rewarded. It’s no wonder the Hulk is the one to catch Tony. Tony’s the one who helped let him out. He’s just returning the favor.

Cynthia Hopkins is singing about someone she DOES NOT...

Fri, 04 May 2012 18:03:12 -0400

Cynthia Hopkins is singing about someone she DOES NOT like.

Cynthia Hopkins is TONIGHT.

mdt:

Cheap, Two-Faced Star - Gloria Deluxe

Underrated.